Unfamiliarity can never be good

"I want to sleep with you. But I don't want to have sex with you, I just want to sleep with you, next to you.We need to talk." She agrees. We need to talk. Given that it is a dream and nothing else...I can rationalize it myself and it will go my way no matter how selfish or immoral it may be. But there’s the advantage, the great pleasure, in fantasy. It’s no one’s but yours.

As I speak to her, there's a storm outside trying to so rudely interrupt me. The building is dark. It doesn't feel like the same ACS I always knew. It's unfriendly, cold, even a bit mysterious. Holding hands, we turn away from the commotion outside the foyer and go downstairs to my favorite part of the building with the big metal heater. But there are people all over the place, so I take her to the next room over. The old ESL room. The sunroom. We don't talk. We only stare at each other. Contrary to my request, we quietly proceed to have sex.

- My dream, December 21, 2006

__________

I cried last night. For a long time.

But it's not the tears that bother me. It's the lack of reason. I cried for nothing, but. All I can say was that it felt good. I've probably just felt worse than ever the last few days.

When did I get so temperamental?

That night I was plagued by an odd dream that took place at ACS. Occuring in recursion, I kept saying those words. I don't know if I said anything else in my dream, but that's all I remember.

I also woke up at least twice during the night, and had a case of conscious paralysis. A frightening experience, if any of you have ever experienced it before. It kind of makes you not want to go back to sleep.

I'm about to shut off my computer and try to go to sleep again, but I don't know how much help that would be.

Love,
- Mirko

___________

On another note, I fucked up my unit final essay for Facing History.

On yet another note, I found out how to add comments.

The Concert at LACS

So ASM was first period, which meant no one showed up.

I had an interesting experience today once I was settled in at Juna's Cafe. I had been talking with my friends online, watching people and sketching them, when I realized that I was being watched as intently as I was watching them. It's kind of an awkward feeling, but I know it was inevitable.

I got downtown at around 3:45, and by then it had already been getting dark. It was totally empty. Ever get that feeling that there's some big event that's going on and you don't know about it? Yeah. That's how it feels. Okay, maybe I just got here early. Oh finally. Hey Sam.

I finally understood why no one was there.

_________

So the LACS concert was tonight. I didn't realize it until it was already 5:30. It started at 6:30. I got a ride up to ACS and jammed with the rest of the bands for a bit. We were the third to last act, but I had been so fired up on coffee from Juna's that it hadn't worn off yet. Consequence: couldn't keep a real beat, forgot what songs were being played, and oh um yeah, forgot the other musicians' names.

But it was still pretty fun, I gotta say. Some of these people are going to go pro one day. I think ACS has a lot more talent than we're credited for; I don't think I credit the musicians enough for their work. At least 10% of the school performed that night. To imagine a public school where that sort of musical population exists...is beautiful.

Unfortunately, I was too busy being totally out of it, and also playing music, in order to take real photos. But I did ride Max's bike through the hallways. I doubt that Dave was very happy with it, but he didn't speak up.

So I said goodbye to my friends and left. When I got home, I had a message from Simon asking me if I was going anywhere over the break. I said yeah, Montreal. On Tuesday.

But wait. Oh shit. It's his birthday.

Shit!