Unfamiliarity can never be good

"I want to sleep with you. But I don't want to have sex with you, I just want to sleep with you, next to you.We need to talk." She agrees. We need to talk. Given that it is a dream and nothing else...I can rationalize it myself and it will go my way no matter how selfish or immoral it may be. But there’s the advantage, the great pleasure, in fantasy. It’s no one’s but yours.

As I speak to her, there's a storm outside trying to so rudely interrupt me. The building is dark. It doesn't feel like the same ACS I always knew. It's unfriendly, cold, even a bit mysterious. Holding hands, we turn away from the commotion outside the foyer and go downstairs to my favorite part of the building with the big metal heater. But there are people all over the place, so I take her to the next room over. The old ESL room. The sunroom. We don't talk. We only stare at each other. Contrary to my request, we quietly proceed to have sex.

- My dream, December 21, 2006

__________

I cried last night. For a long time.

But it's not the tears that bother me. It's the lack of reason. I cried for nothing, but. All I can say was that it felt good. I've probably just felt worse than ever the last few days.

When did I get so temperamental?

That night I was plagued by an odd dream that took place at ACS. Occuring in recursion, I kept saying those words. I don't know if I said anything else in my dream, but that's all I remember.

I also woke up at least twice during the night, and had a case of conscious paralysis. A frightening experience, if any of you have ever experienced it before. It kind of makes you not want to go back to sleep.

I'm about to shut off my computer and try to go to sleep again, but I don't know how much help that would be.

Love,
- Mirko

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On another note, I fucked up my unit final essay for Facing History.

On yet another note, I found out how to add comments.