Elysium: Scrap or Not?

It's been the most laid back Christmas I've ever had. Needless to say I'm not religious, so it's never been too stressful.

Just got off about twenty minutes on my trainer, trying to shake the stagnant feeling you get when you sit on your ass for most of the day. It felt good. Heartrate peaked at around 180; not bad, but not great. And yeah, twenty minutes is a short session, but I made it intense. Besides, I haven't finished packing.

(Tomorrow morning I'm out for Montreal for the rest of the week. I'll have sporadic internet access, but I'll probably be busy doing other things more worth my time.)

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I hate to leave my other story unfinished, but I feel compelled to begin fresh; I can't stand the way I wrote this one. I don't know if that means rewriting my story from scratch or maybe just editing whole sections that sound...eh, chunky. Outdated. Messy. Vicky, you've read it...what do you think? Is it worth my time rewriting?

Then again, in the Information Age, documents are never permanently scrapped. It stays on my hard disk until I decide I truly don't want it anymore. Then it goes to the recycling bin. And if I really don't want it, it gets erased permanently.

But oh, it still pains me to drop it. It's been over a year now since I first turned these ideas into bytes. It's taken my time, my energy, and most of all it's taken so many of my dreams and imagination. It seems like if I scrap it now, I'm turning my back on an era in my life. I'm not just letting go of a story, but I'm letting go of a frame of mind, a dream state I've been in for the last fifteen months. I'll never be able to come back to it again with the same conviction I had before.

At the same time, I feel like I've been only postponing the inevitable. The past month or so, I've opened up my story every day for an hour or so, only to edit a few lines of text, maybe add a paragraph or two, and then close it. It's as if...well, I'm pretending that it lives on in my head. But I have to face it: I'm already losing my energy to continue writing. I don't have the creative stamina to write for long periods of time like this.

I don't like the side I'm leaning towards.

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I feel like talking to someone. I don't really care who. I just feel like having a conversation, spilling my thoughts. But it's also 12:18 in the morning, and these are very specific thoughts I have that can um, only be spilled and understood by a few people.